180/111

Yes ladies and gents, that was my official reading of my blood pressure. i swear i was gonna have a stroke.

Its been an emotional couple months really and i think my body is just getting a chance to really feel it all. I am not okay, i will be, but right now i am not. And since kind of accepting that, its kind of been a little easier to deal with.

We will se how it goes. Anybody know of anyone getting rid of a cello and would like to donate it to a mental health situation?

the bucket list

SO yes, i am a copy cat but you know as i sit here and look at what i have accomplished this far in life (it isn't much but its cool) there are things that i would like to do before i "kick the bucket".so here is a beginning list.

1 Learn to play the cello
2 See and NFL game live
3 Visit the Light houses in Maine
4 Go to London
5 Have a baby
6 Sing the National Anthem at a sports event that no one in my family is playing in
7 Get Fit
8 Give up soda
9 Better yet- give up candy
10 Get a masters
11 Own a House
12 Kiss in the Rain
13 Tell someone i love them and have them say it back and mean it
14 Write my book
15 Compose a song
16 Copy all my moms recipes that i like
17 Keep a Journal
18 Sleep for two days
19 Become Fluent in Sign LAnguage (again)
20 Go on a Cruise
21 Find a Job I really Love
22 Be a Better Friend
23 Jump out of a plane
24 Help a Family in need
25 Follow A Rainbow
26 Visit Hawaii
27 Live in Vegas
28 Go to 15 REAL concerts
29 Learn to ski
30 Take up Golf
31 Make my own Calendar
32 Paint my room Pink
33 Participate in a Rodeo
34 Take a cross country road trip and stop at all the points of interest
35 Get a tatoo
36 Become active in the church again
37 Change my own oil
38 Own a Great Dane
39 Watch the sunset and rise from the same spot with someone special
40 Record my own cd
41 Laugh everyday
42 Say my prayers regularly
43 Get a massage
44 Go dancing in a club
45 Visit Alaska
46 Go back to D.C.
47 Be in a movie
48 Watch all 10 seasons of CSI all in a row
49 Read 5 books a year
50 Re connect with old friends


Thats a good list for now, some of them i may never accomplish, but i can try right?

Wish me luck i will add more when i think of some and cross them off when i get done with them...

woot woot

New Hair...

I meant to put this before my last blog but here it is anyway... i felt that i needed to change things, i thought about a tatoo, or a new phone, or something, but instead i decided to change my hair!

so here it is... i love love love love love it. this is a weird pic cause it looks like my hair is uneven but its not its just pulled behind on one side...

Doctor visit

So friday i bucked up and went to the doctor about my anxiety and he says that i have Agoraphobia! i always knew there was something wrong especially now that things got worse with my anxiety.

what is agoraphobia? agoraphobia is a condition where the sufferer becomes anxious in environments that are unfamiliar or where he or she perceives that they have little control. Triggers for this anxiety may include wide open spaces, crowds (social anxiety), or traveling (even short distances). Agoraphobia is often, but not always, compounded by a fear of social embarrassment, as the agoraphobic fears the onset of a panic attack and appearing distraught in public.

I have mixed emotions about it all... i am relieved that i am not going crazy and that there is something wrong with me. I am sad however cause i wasn't like this before.. as a matter of fact i was the shit in college... EVERYONE knew who i was... and i mean EVERYONE. It was awesome. People always knew where i was too. And now even thinking about it makes my blood pressure rise and i went to go hide in the closet.

Doctor says to try out new meds and to go to a therapist. (oh joy!) we will see how that all goes.

Work is stressful, well not really i just wish that all the staff were on the same page. but its an ongoing process and we have made tremendous progress. The doctor says that my fear of failing effects work too, meaning i want everything to be perfect on my shift and when it doesn't go that way it makes it worse for me. But it shall all turn around sometime i am sure.

hmmm i have so much more to say and i am actually feeling well enough to make updates and actually write more on here, not that anyone ever really reads these things.

Til next time...

-leslie

so as it turns out leslie threw a mini princess fit, but it just wasn't over the incident i last wrote about its about relationships in general...
oh well...i can overreact if i want to lol! laugh at that one...

on higher note, i have to go to AA meetings with the clients i work with and let me tell you that i have had a complete change of heart in a lot of things, one is turning to a higher power. I know in my religion they talk about forgiveness and what not but it was something amazing seeing a bunch of "drunks" talk about their stories and turning to God. so i said eh what the heck, so i have made some major revamps and adjustments to my life and strangely enough, i am more "reverent" so to speak, CRAZY i know but everyone has a different conversion story and mine just happened to start in rehab.... lol oh the joys of being a life coach for addicts!

love, les

I should be royally mad, but...

oh man! if only you knew why i should be mad----- you ask why i am not. i will just say this... i give 100% in any realtionship i have been in and have truly felt that i have no regrets in any relationships. EAch guy has taught me something different and fun about myself and has proposed new challenges. Too bad that they have to make up things....oh man... i hope he reads this. I still love ya!!!!!!!!!!

and i have been blog stalking some of my old friends in high school...you guys are FUNNY!!!!

i am off to get ready to get off work.

-leslie

Mobile blogging? Oh man i am in trouble

LOL!!!!!! SERIOUSLY I AM FUNNY!!!

So, among this crazy emotional week i have found my destination in life! No its not to find world peace, no i am not becoming a hippie, lol....hold on i am still laughing my butt off....

Mom and i were driving around before we went and saw a movie (shutter island---GOOD SHOW!) so she was talking about how she is going to open a horse and tack store and call it "Tack and Field" cute eh? it could work, so i was thinking, what could i do that was like that....well.... are you ready? here it goes be prepared to laugh your brains out.... i almost wrecked cause i was laughing so hard...... DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!


I am going to write a book. A comedy/coping book..... why is that funny you say? wait to hear what i am going to call it..... okay....

PEACE FOR THE OBESE!!!! by Leslie



SWEET SUCCESS!!!! Everyone needs a good laugh and us fat girls need some comic relief and a getaway from all the people who think thin is in.... please! so look for it as a number one best seller... its started already!!!

-Leslie

p.s. don't get me wrong i love my skinny friends and family, but just get tired of hearing from society that i am "sick"

Congrats!

So many of you i am sure are questioning why i just jumped over to the fourth of july background.... but as St. Patricks day is the next holiday, my family and I have something more special to celebrate than that. My brother passed his PT test on saturday and has been given permission to graduate at the end of this month with his class. He walks in a graduation ceremony on Feb 26th!

I don't think he will ever read this, but i will write it anyways

Max,

Hey Soldier! I am stand more and more proud everyday knowing that you are making this decision in your life. I remember when you were just a little lad and how much fun you and i would have together especially on days when you had torn apart the house looking for something and mom couldn't figure out what it was you wanted i knew exactly what you were saying. I was so excited to have a brother! it was awesome. I watched you struggle throughout learning challenges, physical as well as mental pain. I watched you in band concerts and football games, i watched you in your church endevours. I watched as you struggled to overcome evil opponents in a state wrestling tournament to win! I watched you graduated, i watched as you stood proud as they announced those who were joining the military. I watched you through the this military journey struggle many times and watched as you were driven to your knees many times. Now i proudly stand next to you to show my appreciation and love for you not only as my brother and a part of this family but as an American Soldier! I will continue to watch as you defend our freedom, rights, and liberties as Americans. I will watch, stand and support you. I love you!
Les

do overs

Can i please have a pass to start the new year off again... seriously this has been the worst start to a new year in my 27 years. not only did i have to work an 86 hour marathon at work but we had major changes at work and some staff aren't on board with. for the first time in my job working there i felt that i was not safe to be at work adn it had nothing to do with the residents.... grrr... and i had to take a valum just to function cause i did nothing but shake for two days and shut myself off from the world. then it feels like nothing gets done to other people its annoying...

on a good note i get to play with my best friend tomorrow!!! yahoo!!! i am excited she always makes me feel important and is there through everything! i love her and her husband who treats her so well or i would have to punch him in the throat... :) i need to find my 20 bucks though so i can play!

i will write more later when i feel better.

-les

Please Remember


TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEYWITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT
CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED
A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO
OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT
BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
'SANTA DON'T CRY,
THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
MY! COUNTRY, MY CORPS.'

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, 'CARRY ON SANTA,
IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.'

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
'MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,!
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.'

I'm a big girl now!

So i realize that i am 27 years old and should be able to handle the adult life... however today was the first day in the history of dentist appointments that i didn't bawl my eyeballs out!

i know i know i am a baby.

-leslie

thankfulness

This time of year i have so much to be grateful but i am a little frustrated... i am glad that i have trials and situations that test my patience but man sometimes i just want to let people have it....i'm highly annoyed at some people at this moment...

write more later

-leslie

Its Here!!!!!

so call me weird but i ordered my all time favorite movie ever!!! and it arrived today!!!! woot woot woot!!! movie party at my house!!!



its the 1949 version of Little Women its the best one out there! love it! watch it! with hot cocoa and all... elizabeth taylor is in it!!!

go now

Thanksgiving!!

okay let me just start this blog out with an explanation... i know that i haven't blogged for a while but i have sat down several times to blog but i didnt want to sound negative.... so here is something postive..

today was the best thanksgiving i think i have ever had..why you ask... well i got the best of both of worlds.. i cooked for my family..got along with my sister and ate with them... then i went to work...

now i know some of you are like "what? work" but let me tell you what. i was angry that i had to work especially since i have to work the other holidays... but when i got there my view changed. I work with kids who are locked up for vaious reasons and so they didn't get to be home for the holiday.. so as a staff we decided to bring them in a feast to have complete with decorations.

We set everything up and they all went around and said how grateful they were for different things and then we got to say how grateful we were. It was awesome to see some of their faces and they piled up two plates of good old fashion grub. They seemed to change into other people rather than the "tough guy" image they think they are. They were polite and willing to help out in the cleaning. they were nice to one another. I love the oppurtunity i had to serve them today by making their thanksgiving a little more homier than it would have.

I have lots of things to blog about and will do so soon...

Love ya guys :)

let the games begin

I found this fun little idea on a friends blog and decided to play along! I can't wait to see what she makes! ;) So here's what it is...The first five people to comment on this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year (hopefully sooner than later.)
4. You will have no clue what it is going to be.
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh the catch is that you must re-post this on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me you did will win a marvelous homemade gift by me!Let the games begin!!

soon

i will blog soon i promise

why yes yes i did! seriously though i was not in any emotional state to be blogging..i sort of become and emo blogger so i didn't post anything. but i am back and i will blog some more. right now i have to sleep since i stayed up WAY TOO LATE last night. Thanks doty for letting me crash at your house. ;)

-les

i know i am obsessed

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