So friday i bucked up and went to the doctor about my anxiety and he says that i have Agoraphobia! i always knew there was something wrong especially now that things got worse with my anxiety.
what is agoraphobia? agoraphobia is a condition where the sufferer becomes anxious in environments that are unfamiliar or where he or she perceives that they have little control. Triggers for this anxiety may include wide open spaces, crowds (social anxiety), or traveling (even short distances). Agoraphobia is often, but not always, compounded by a fear of social embarrassment, as the agoraphobic fears the onset of a panic attack and appearing distraught in public.
I have mixed emotions about it all... i am relieved that i am not going crazy and that there is something wrong with me. I am sad however cause i wasn't like this before.. as a matter of fact i was the shit in college... EVERYONE knew who i was... and i mean EVERYONE. It was awesome. People always knew where i was too. And now even thinking about it makes my blood pressure rise and i went to go hide in the closet.
Doctor says to try out new meds and to go to a therapist. (oh joy!) we will see how that all goes.
Work is stressful, well not really i just wish that all the staff were on the same page. but its an ongoing process and we have made tremendous progress. The doctor says that my fear of failing effects work too, meaning i want everything to be perfect on my shift and when it doesn't go that way it makes it worse for me. But it shall all turn around sometime i am sure.
hmmm i have so much more to say and i am actually feeling well enough to make updates and actually write more on here, not that anyone ever really reads these things.
Til next time...