We heard the tale since we were young,
Heard the songs that have been sung,
About an evil spell.
Someone beautiful is cursed
We feel sad through every verse
Til a kiss and all is well
The message that no one can teach
Is clearer to someone like me
There is no curse or evil spell
That's worse than one we give ourselves
There is no sorceror as cruel,
As the proud and angry fool.
And yet, we cry life isn't fair
Beneath our cries the truth is there
A power that will break the spell
We should know very well
Is locked within ourselves
Yet we'd rather blame,
And curse our faith and change
We run from everyone to hide from the pain
And all the shame
The story long we knew it well
About a wretched evil spell
A power that will break this curse
Oh I know all too well
Is locked within myself
Go ahead, watch it!
I will wait, and then come back and read my random rants.
Okay so now that you and I are in the same mind frame, hear me out. This whole turning old business has really gotten me thinking about some of the messed up thinking that I have. flash back with me to last year.....
Last year was the first time that I let more than one or two people into my life, as far as friendships. It was SUPER hard as I always felt that they would get to know me until they no longer needed me or until they found out how warped I was. These beautiful friends have come to be some of the closest people in my life and I am so grateful for them "Little Indian", G$, and Elyse. There was Lis, but sadly we grew apart mostly because of pride and hurt (oh how I miss her sometimes). But then walked in some other person. Right from the beginning I could tell that I could trust them.... and so it began... the year of insuperable times and fun! I adore this person and have come to know them, be there for them, practically adopt them into the family. They too have been there for me more than I could ever expect and or want, and I know that things will always be like this no matter what comes along.
OKAY.... back to real time....
I said all that because I am battling the urge to just shut everyone out. Its what I do, its my comfort zone. But they are too good of friends to just let that happen, but with others its hard not too.... I feel exactly like the song says, its all locked inside of myself. and up until recently I tended to keep it that way. No I am not "cursed" like the "monster" in the song is, but I do have troubles with attaching to people because more often than not they leave.
Well to that I say the following:
Please don't think you need to leave to fulfill the things you have that is already in front of you.
Please don't forget to remember that there are people who love you, who need you, who will be there for you just like they always have.
Please remember that you are loved here.
Please don't walk away from the people who have been there for you to run to others who haven't invested what the people here have! They have been here through your tears, and heart aches, laughs, giggles, hangovers, snuggles, cuddles, and good times.
Please don't be a proud angry fool.
Please love yourself as much as others do!
OKay okay so this blog didn't all flow together as I hoped it would but HEY! its my blog and I will write what I want!
More to come.