The meaning of life

Here is another thing I have been thinking about....

Have you ever wondered if you have influenced peoples lives? I have. but I also KNOW that I have influenced peoples lives. but before I go into all that let me start with something negative based....

I hate hate hate hate hate loath the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. For that very reason is the reason why I work a bazillion hours and the reason I shut people out (see previous post). I do all that because then I don't have time to feel this way. But alas I know that it is not healthy to avoid situations all the time, but seriously it is the most annoying feeling in the world to not be able to help people. My sister is laid up in the hospital with MS that is practically killing her and there isn't anything I can do about and quite frankly I am mad about it, but then it got me thinking and now we can go back to the whole influencing peoples lives.

I am a firm believer that people are introduced to others at a certain time because that is the needed time, much like when our bodies makes us aware that antibiotics, vitamins, etc are needed, it also tells us when people are needed. You see my sister has been my sister for 26.25 years. and it wasn't til recently that we had even started "influencing" each others lives...does that mean that the other 25 years were wasted? absolutely not! it simply means that there wasn't a need until now. and no I am not saying that because she is sick is the need! I am just saying that people are brought to the lime light of ones live at the precise moment they are needed.

Whether or not they stay apart of your life is part of the maintenance aspect of every relationship. every interactions has different degrees of "intimacy" and not in the sexual aspect. I recently had a conversation with a friend and the definitely put things into perspective. Allowing yourself to be hurt, (because lets face it, that is a normal and healthy human thing to do) doesn't make you a crappy friend or a weak person and don't mean you are in love with someone.  You can love someone, be hurt by someone,  be intimate (cuddles, laughs, hugs, dancing, and share the same bed) with someone, with out being in love with them. Its just a different degree of friendship, its trust, love, patience, and understanding.its called intimate friendship. To not be hurt by something someone this close to you does cheapens the friendship.

with me?

If you couldn't tell Tonight I had a lot of thinking time, and for the first time in a while I am excited to spend the next two days at work where I can forget all this stuff and focus on other peoples issues.

I am grateful for all my relationships, the acquaintances, the family, the best friends, the intimate friends, the neighbors, the co-workers. tonight I let go of some anger that was bottling up inside, and I am okay with some things that I was battling inside. *sigh*

Have a good night y'all. You all come back now ya hear???

-Leslie